LIE #2: ''I SHOULD BE MY CHILD'S BEST FRIEND.'' (2 OF 10)
Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 2:9-12
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Lie #2: ''I Should Be My Child's Best Friend.'' (2 of 10)
Series: Lies Parents Tell Themselves
Wyman Richardson
1 Thessalonians 2:9-12
A recent parenting advice column printed this submitted question:
Dear AdviceMama,
It seems like overnight my only child and best friend can't stand me. How is it that my 16-year-old girl can treat me so poorly when I have done nothing to provoke her? She doesn't share anything about her life. She is very rude and disrespectful to her father and me, and she can even come off like a big bully at times. I get hurt and angry and I almost can't stand her. Help!
Signed,
Terrorized by Teen
In many ways, the sentiment expressed in this question is very routine: frustration with a teenage child who is being difficult. What makes this question interesting, however, are three little words that stand out from the first sentence: ''and best friend.''
One cannot help but wonder if the desire to be best friends with one's child is not a particularly modern malady born, perhaps, from parents who have grown quite confused as to the nature of proper parenting roles and who desire above all else to be close to their children. In this case, the advice-dispenser's response refreshingly pointed out the fatal flaw in the premise of the woman's question:
Dear Terrorized,
First, let me say in big, bold letters: Your daughter cannot be your best friend. Perhaps the two of you have been very close, but it is not appropriate for a child to be perceived as her parent's closest friend. You are her mother. While the two of you may become like best friends as she moves further into adulthood, you have to create boundaries with your teenage daughter that clearly establish that you are her parent, not her friend. Pleading with her to be nice, or lecturing her on how you've done nothing to deserve her mistreatment will only come across as needy and weak, fueling her contempt. [emphasis added]
It is always interesting (and rare) to d ...
Series: Lies Parents Tell Themselves
Wyman Richardson
1 Thessalonians 2:9-12
A recent parenting advice column printed this submitted question:
Dear AdviceMama,
It seems like overnight my only child and best friend can't stand me. How is it that my 16-year-old girl can treat me so poorly when I have done nothing to provoke her? She doesn't share anything about her life. She is very rude and disrespectful to her father and me, and she can even come off like a big bully at times. I get hurt and angry and I almost can't stand her. Help!
Signed,
Terrorized by Teen
In many ways, the sentiment expressed in this question is very routine: frustration with a teenage child who is being difficult. What makes this question interesting, however, are three little words that stand out from the first sentence: ''and best friend.''
One cannot help but wonder if the desire to be best friends with one's child is not a particularly modern malady born, perhaps, from parents who have grown quite confused as to the nature of proper parenting roles and who desire above all else to be close to their children. In this case, the advice-dispenser's response refreshingly pointed out the fatal flaw in the premise of the woman's question:
Dear Terrorized,
First, let me say in big, bold letters: Your daughter cannot be your best friend. Perhaps the two of you have been very close, but it is not appropriate for a child to be perceived as her parent's closest friend. You are her mother. While the two of you may become like best friends as she moves further into adulthood, you have to create boundaries with your teenage daughter that clearly establish that you are her parent, not her friend. Pleading with her to be nice, or lecturing her on how you've done nothing to deserve her mistreatment will only come across as needy and weak, fueling her contempt. [emphasis added]
It is always interesting (and rare) to d ...
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