Theories of Gumperson

Some years ago the magazine "Changing Times" published some of the theories of an obscure scientist named Gumperson. This gentleman had come up with a theory about life that he formulated into a basic law: That the contradictory of a welcome probability will assert itself whenever such an eventuality is likely to be most frustrating.

That sounds pretty complicated, but the sense of it can be easily seen in the following "laws" that Dr. Gumperson formulated from his basic premise...

That you can throw a burned match out of the window of your car and start a forest fire, but you can use boxes of matches and the entire edition of the Sunday paper without being able to start a fire under the dry logs in your fireplace.

That after a raise in salary you will have less money at the end of the month than you had before.

That person who buys the most raffle tickets has the least chance of winning.

That good parking places are always on the other side of the street.

That a child can be exposed to the mumps for weeks without catching them but can catch them without exposure the day before the family goes on vacation.

Gumperson, it is said, met an untimely death shortly after WWII. He was walking along a highway, dutifully obeying the rule of walking to the left facing traffic, when hit from behind by an Englishman who was hugging the left side of the road.