Miser

A notorious miser was called on by the chairman of the community charity. "Sir," said the fund-raiser, "our records show that despite your wealth, you've never once given to our drive."

"Do your records show that I have an elderly mother who was left penniless when my father died? fumed the tightwad. "Do your records show that I have a disabled brother who is unable to work? Do your records show I have a widowed sister with small children who can barely make ends meet?"

"No, sir," replied the embarrassed volunteer. "Our records don't show those things."

"Well, I don't give to any of them, so why should I give anything to you?"