Planning a funeral is a time for pastors to walk alongside families during their greatest need and their greatest pain. John C. Maxwell once said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” When it comes to pastoral ministry, people will not forget when a pastor shows up during a crisis. But how do you respond to that level of pressure, especially when you’re a new pastor? Do you know how to preach a funeral?
Let’s go over the 6 things every rookie (and seasoned!) pastor needs to remember when they preach a funeral.
1. The Pastor Is a First Responder
When a family experiences a death, they will need immediate care and response. Your church leadership team essentially needs to deploy a first responder. The pastor who meets with a grieving family doesn’t need to have a litany of Scriptures ready to rattle off to them. They simply need to have the power of presence. To sit with the family. To grieve with them and to enter into their pain with them.
However, the grieving family will also have practical needs, from having meals coordinated to the actual funeral proceedings. As a pastor, you will need to go over funeral arrangements with the family. That first day or two is emotional, and a family may not be able to cognitively wrap their mind around losing their loved one. But once the family is ready, the pastor can step in to help them formulate a funeral service to honor the departed and to minister to the family.
2. Preach from a Funeral Sermon Template
A base template for all funeral sermons is a great place to start when developing a funeral service. A template will have the necessities that every funeral message will operate from, but it also saves room for the “variables” of what the family desires such as songs, stories, and favorite Scriptures.
A sample template may look like:
- Opening Prayer
- Reading of Obituary
- Opening Scripture of Comfort
- Memories and Stories of the Loved One
- A Brief Message
- Closing Prayer
These six elements exist in every funeral service. The pastor should have a few different “go to” Scriptures and brief messages to rotate through in their repertoire. This will save the pastor time and will create continuity.
3. Ask the Family to Contribute
Ask the family for Scriptures, stories, or songs that resonate with them and remind them of their deceased loved one. You will already have a few in your template, but to personalize the service, you will need to add a few variables: the family’s needs, desires, and even what they don’t want in their service for their loved one.
Discuss your service outline with the family. Show them your basic layout and ask what they would like to add, such as:
- Poignant Scriptures
- Favorite Songs
- Stories and Anecdotes
- Personal Attributes of Their Loved One
The pastor can plug these into their service outline wherever the family would like. The memories and attributes will be the highlight of the service. Meanwhile, the message should contain the positive attributes of the loved one, as well as comfort from the Scriptures.
4. The More Notes, the Better!
Use notes, an outline, or even a fully typed-out manuscript during the service. Most pastors prefer not to read their sermons aloud when preaching on Sundays. This is understandable. But when you are leading a funeral service, it would behoove you to use a word-for-word manuscript. You are serving the family of the deceased, and taking extra care like this will reduce any areas or oversight that could seem disrespectful to the family. Mispronouncing a name or botching a key memory would be detrimental to the level of excellence that the family is expecting.
Make sure your sermon is easy to read. Go through it personally at least twice to feel the flow of the message.
5. Plan the Funeral Service Around the Family’s Expectations
Be courteous to the family and attendees. Ask the family what type of attire they expect you to dress in. Find out how long they are expecting the service to be. Does the family have specific people in mind they want to speak or would they prefer to have an open mic for those in attendance?
Tip: If requested, go over the pros and cons of an open mic service with the family.
- Pro: The family gets to hear the heart of those who would like to speak.
- Con: There may be private stories shared that the departed loved one didn’t want the public to know.
If a family would like an open mic, then suggest they find out beforehand who wants to speak and ask them to write out what they will say and submit it to the family.
6. Honor the Family’s Wishes on Evangelism
No matter what, honor the family’s wishes regarding evangelism. As a pastor, you are concerned about sharing the Gospel with others. But families differ in how or even if they want the Gospel shared. Talk to the family about this and ask them what they desire. Do not dishonor the family by overstepping their boundaries in what they are comfortable with.
There will be tactful ways of inserting the Gospel into personal conversations and the service while also honoring the family’s boundaries. For instance, my dad requested that there not be an altar call at my mom’s funeral. He had his reasons. The officiating pastor was still able to preach the funeral in a way that shared the Gospel without overstepping the clear boundaries my dad had in place.
You’re There to Serve
Funerals are a sacred time for a family. It is the time a pastor can minister on a personal level that they may not ever be able to again. The family needs the comfort of Scripture, the presence of a spiritual leader, and the hope of the Gospel.
A rookie pastor hosting their first funeral service and message can feel overwhelmed and anxious. With the right tools, though, it can take pressure off of the young pastor, or any pastor for that matter, and be a time where the pastor can truly feel prepared to meet the needs of the family.
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