Officiating a funeral is tough task for a minister. It involves being a chaplain to the family, bringing support and even offering advice on how to figure out the estate or other items that go with a deceased family member. What can make this situation even tougher though is when the person who has passed away is an unbeliever. This means that they never confessed Christ as Lord and lived a lifestyle that reflected a changed heart by way of the Gospel transforming their lives. A minister could have the temptation to adjust what the Bible teaches about salvation through Christ alone or give empty promises to the family about eternal life when they have enough information to deduct that the person was not born again. The toughest part is to offer comfort to the family when the minister knows that there is a great chance the deceased loved one didn’t know Christ and subsequently, heaven is not their eternal home.
Most of the pastoral care portion will remain the same with the family. The minister will need to meet with the family and make sure they know how to proceed with funeral arrangements. They will need to meet with the family to discuss the memorial service and possible graveside service. The family usually doesn’t think about why the time of day and particular day would be important as well. The time of day matters due to what type of food will be served. A funeral that ends at 12:00pm is perfect for a lunch time meal. However, a funeral that ends at 3:00pm may not have as many people who would like to eat a full meal. Some families want a weekday funeral service and others may want a weekend day funeral service. This will be details the minister will walk through with them and gives the pros and cons of each possible decision.
What will be vastly different is the message and layout of service for someone who is not an unbeliever. This will be a very sensitive subject for the minister and family. If the minister deducts that the person was not a born again believer then they do not need to broadcast that to the family unless the family acknowledges this and knows the Gospel. There will be primarily two types of families that the minister will work with in these scenarios. The first type of family is one who is primarily Christian and active in their church. They understand the Bible and what salvation through Christ means. They will understand in a sober manner that their loved one is probably not in heaven. Even though they understand this the minister still needs to be very sensitive. The other type of family is one who doesn’t understand the Gospel and believes everyone goes to heaven no matter what they believe. This will present a greater challenge. And the time of immediate grieving is not the exact time for the minister to attempt to evangelize. That time may come later but in the early stages this is the time for comfort during grief and to help assist the family.
There are a lot of questions that a minister will have when approaching a situation like this. So, how does a minister officiate a funeral service for someone who is an unbeliever? How should the message differentiate from that of a Christian? Are there things that should or should not be said? And how do you incorporate the Gospel into a service like this?
These 5 practical tips will help you craft a message that offers comfort for everyone present.
1. Share memorable stories of the departed loved one. During the initial planning stages of the funeral service the minister can ask the family about a few memorable stories that can be shared during the message. These memories are usually funny and was contained to the family themselves. This helps lighten the mood up. This is important for a funeral of someone who is an unbeliever. The mood is usually heavy. At a Christian funeral the hope of heaven and assurance of salvation does bring a different attitude from the family. The family can offer to share a story or have the minister share the story. Each family is different and has different expectations.
2. Talk about their positive attributes. Memorable stories may accentuate funny attributes of the departed loved one and their interaction with their family but talking about the departed person’s positive attributes helps bring a since of pride and happiness to the listeners. The positive attributes will help the listeners remember what made this person special to them. These attributes may be that they were kind, humorous or loyal. The minister can also give examples of this during this part of the message.
3. Give examples of their positive contributions to others. Again, the family doesn’t have a Christian consolation of heaven as the reward. The minister can bring comfort to the family by giving examples of positive contributions to others. The loved one may have mowed an elderly neighbor’s grass weekly or volunteered at the local animal shelter. All the grieving family has is the personal consolation that their departed loved one was a “good person.” Examples of positive contributions will help.
4. Help the family understand how to comfort each other. Grief is something that every family faces but it is especially difficult for the family who doesn’t possess faith in Christ. Any minister who has seen the grief of an unbelieving family can attest to this truth. Helping the family understand how to comfort each other is extremely important since they can’t access the same comfort a Christian has from the Scriptures. They will need to know how to be there for one another in times of grief and their greatest source of comfort will come from the family.
5. Use practical tips on grief as the days pass. Finally, general tips on grief can be inserted into the message. The family will need to know how to celebrate their loved one and how to not be overwhelmed with grief during holidays, birthdays and other special occasions. During any funeral message there should be a personal message directed to just the family. The Christian family will comforted with Scripture. But the family who doesn’t know Christ will need some practical ways to handle their grief. And this is a good time, in a tactful, loving way to open up the door for them to hear the love of Christ. This is a time to share with them that Jesus knows and cares about their grief. He will also meet them in their grief if they call upon Him as Lord. It is as easy as letting them know Christ is always there for them and loves them.
A funeral for an unbeliever can present a challenge if the minister is not aware of how to minister to them. With the proper awareness and tools it can turn into an incredible opportunity for the minister to build a relationship with the family of the unbeliever who has passed away. The minister can also provide an excellent funeral service that honors the departed and ministers to the family of that person. Through intentionality and care the minister may also be able to build bridges to eventually share the Gospel with the family.
